Why do couples seek counseling?

Couples often come to counseling when things just don’t feel right anymore and they’re not sure how to fix it on their own. You might feel stuck in the same arguments, disconnected from each other, or exhausted by conversations that never seem to go anywhere. Often, it’s not one big issue, but a buildup of stress, misunderstandings, or unmet needs that’s slowly worn down the connection.

Many couples seek counseling because communication has broken down. Maybe talks turn into fights, one or both of you shut down, or you leave conversations feeling unheard or misunderstood. Others come in because they feel emotionally distant, less close, or more like roommates than partners. Some are looking for help in navigating big life changes like becoming parents, job stress, health concerns, issues with relatives, differing life goals, or financial pressure, which impact the relationship.

Some couples reach out during a more painful moment, like after a breach of trust or a major conflict they can’t move past. And many couples come not because they’re about to break up, but because they care about the relationship and want to strengthen it, reconnect, and build healthier patterns together.

How can couples therapy improve our relationship?

Therapy helps couples who are struggling by giving you a safe, supportive space to slow things down and understand what’s happening beneath the conflicts. From an Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) perspective, you begin to see that your arguments aren’t really about the surface issues, but they’re often about unmet needs for connection, safety, and reassurance. We work on stepping out of blame and defensiveness and start recognizing the emotional patterns that keep pulling you apart.

In therapy, you learn to de-escalate conflicts more effectively, and identify and change your negative interaction cycles. Couples begin to notice how one partner might pursue, criticize, or push for connection while the other withdraws, shuts down, or becomes defensive. EFT helps to slow these moments down so you can name the underlying issues that fuel the conflict, like fear of rejection, loneliness, or not feeling important, and then be able to share them in a way that helps the couple support and connect with each other.

Therapy also has a focus of developing healthier relationship habits that promote connection. Many couples leave therapy feeling like a team again, with a deeper sense of closeness and confidence in their ability to stay connected through challenges.